Cruise trip

Tomorrow will be the day where I am going for a holiday cruise on the Royal Caribbean ship with my TOA friends for 6 days and 5 nights. Sadly, there will be only 4 of us going which is thanks to the strict rules that the ship imposed on. To have 1 room, you must have at least 1 person must be 21 years old or above. So far, we got 1 above 21 years old only. I hope nothing goes wrong. I just can't help myself thinking there may be something bad happening to me since suddenly lately all the bad stuffs just love to find me. I am afraid I won't get to really enjoy myself. Damn, I am thinking negatively again.. *knock my head* Shoo shoo, go away bad stuffs!

This cruise will be landing on 3 places if I am not mistaken, Penang, Phuket and Singapore. You know what, I am now kind of regret on going to this cruise. It is because it is so expensive. That day when I agreed to this trip is because I was not thinking rational due to the problems I am facing. I was thinking that I can take this opportunity to leave everything behind for awhile and take a deep breath. So, ended up I agreed going without thinking twice. But, some of my friends said to me that I still deserve it to go refresh myself and should go have fun. I really want to use this chance to make myself to start breathing again.. I had been suffocating for too long.. I want all of them to leave me alone.. Well, hope everything is going to be ok and I get to enjoy myself to the fullest. *knock my head* Stop worrying. I will!

Because,

 I really love the sea so much... 

So do you right..? 

Keep holding on

朋友們，我已沒事了

雖然在這几天里面我的心情好差

很容易生氣，很愛哭，對小事很敏感，也很容易受傷

因為最近太多事情發生

我一直在那邊忍受

一直假裝

一直當沒事發生

一直在里面受傷

其實，我累了。。

但，

我相信有一天，我對自己說

會過的。。

不用但心，我會好好的

還有還有，

謝謝你們的關心

對不起還讓你們擔心

其實，

我看了你們的 comments

還有一些有在 msn 和 sms 來安慰我

讓我知道我有那麼多好的朋友還那麼關心我

真的真的很開心

謝謝。。

我愛死你們了！

哈哈

（：

P/S：對不起，我知道我寫華語很差。但我很努力在再學我的華語。我現在已忘了很多要怎麼會讀和寫用華語了。 我當時很討厭學華語，因為我覺得太複雜。現在很後悔沒把我的華語好好的學， 所以我現在要把這個好機會再學好它。請你們多多指教喔！

悲傷的結束

我好痛苦。。好難受。。好難呼吸。。 好想哭。。 好想死。。

夠了。。 我的心受不了。。

我已不知道要這麼了。。

為什麼會是因為他？

我的心壞了？掉了？

這是一個愛情故事嗎？或這只是一場梦？

到最後要結束了，

他。。對我說：

“錯的時間遇上對的人”

天上的您啊，哪是對嗎？哪是都是您所有讓您安排出來的，不是嗎？

是您安排我們一起相遇嗎？

是您安排我們有這樣的感情嗎？

哪，您為什麼到最後要安排這樣的結束？

您要我們要掉多少淚才會讓您滿意？

難到是您一時誤了。。

或者，

難到這個故事已早就給您安排有這個悲傷的結束了。。

風，

只有您能幫這個故事好好的把它結束了

請您把這個不該在這里的感情帶走好嗎？

把我和他的事忘掉好嗎？

再見。。

Rainy days

Ah. It's been raining a lot lately. It's making me kinda feeling blue. There's nothing you can do outside, but just stay at home. The sky is dark, feet always get wet and raindrops always got on my head. There, I was sitting beside the window hugging my big size rilakkuma plush, drinking hot tea keeping my hands warm. 

By looking outside the window, raindrops were pouring and you see people running around trying to get cover. And there, my flash back started. I remembered some of the fun times I had during rainy days. I remembered how I used to run with my friends to take cover from the rain. We run as fast as we can. By the time we reached a place, all of us were soaking wet. We looked at each other's messy and wet conditions, and we laughed how horrible we looked. Those were the times. (:

Looking back at the window, outside you see people walking around the street holding different kinds and colours of umbrella. There's big, small, white, orange, yellow, blue, purple and rainbow colours. I actually realized I was starting to observe the minor things that I never done before. It's kinda weird but fun to realize that you are able to get to see some simple wonderful sight that you only get to see during rainy days. Well, think at the positive side, rainy days are sometimes not that awful after all. 

My umbrella colour? Mine is pink. I finally got to use it. Hehe.

What's yours?

Misunderstanding

I hope I can explain all this misunderstanding to you. But, I just can't. 

被傷害最深的人就是我了。。。

嗚嗚嗚嗚。。。

我給人家討厭了。。。

Rilakkuma!

Here, I managed to find some cute picture of the Rilakkuma family. Aren't they cute? I wish I could own all the collection of them. They are so hard to find in Malaysia. Screw Malaysia! But in Japan, they got plenty of them. Last year I went there and found a lot of them and I am so stupid I didn't buy a lot back. I just bought some cause they are so expensive! REGRETTED! Ahhh... I hope I can find more of them in Malaysia. If anyone of you guys manage to spot them, tell me ASAP! Hehe. I seriously love them a lot. 

I got a friend who is studying in Japan currently. I wish he could help me buy some back! But, pai seh leh. He told me he will try to find them and send back to me. Don't know whether it's true a not. Can't be that happy yet. Hope it will be true. (:

I love you Rilakkuma a lot~♥

Untitled

I am now blogging, with my eyes really swollen. I can't longer control any of this tears falling. I just witnessed the unfair, suffering and death fall upon on a poor little creature. Part of pieces of my heart is already empty, broken, smashed and destroyed. I don't know why am I hurting and sad as I only knew him for 2 days...

Whenever my friends showed me of their dog's photos, I would only say something like 'Yeap, cute.' and would tell them I have no feel over dogs no matter whether they are cute or not. Well, that's because I always prefer cats. So, whenever I see dogs, no response. You can see how I actually treated my mom's dog, same, no response. 

Recently, 2 days ago, my mom told me she gave food and water to a white stray puppy wandering around just opposite of my house. She said she pity the puppy because it had been abused as many scars appeared around the body parts. And obviously, it was abandoned. At 1st, I wasn't really interested on the puppy and just gave her the 'Oh, poor thing.' response.

Later in the evening, I was doing my figure sketching, my mom called out to me and told me the puppy appeared. So I went to peeped it from my window. I went stalking it for 5 minutes, then went back doing my work. After few minutes later, I don't know why I automatically went to look at it. And I keep on repeating the same thing till I don't have the time to finish my work in time. 

My mom said she liked the puppy so much because he is really cute, seriously. The 1st time I approached it closely, I was so scared because of it's scar all over the body makes it look like it has skin disease. My mom went to gave it food and water again and this time the puppy approached my mom and he wants my mom to pat him. My mom gave him the pat on the head, he wagged his tail, he was so happy like a baby. OMG, he caught my heart!

Sometimes, I would look outside to check whether he would be ok. I sometime sees some kind people would leave a bowl of food and water for him also. And he showed the face that he was so happy. Soon, my mom was thinking of adopting it. But considering I already got 1 dog in the house, my mom can't decide. Then, out of a blue, I told my mom I think we better quickly adopt him and bring him to the house cause I got the feeling that today the crazy gang stray dogs will bully him. My mom answered me 'Don't worry, he is a survivor! He will be ok.' 

After dinner, me and my parents went to see the puppy again. He was so happy to see us. My parents patted him. And he went to the place where my mom left him food and water, eating and drinking as it is like he is trying to show us he is very happy and thankful. Then, when my parents decided to go back home, it followed into the house! I got so excited and went outside. But, my parents shoo it away back to place where he wander. I scold my mom and asked why, and she answered me 'I don't want it to get run down by a car.'. 

So, that was the last time I am going to see him wagging his tail. I was at my laptop chatting with my friends, then I heard bunch of dogs sound and him screaming. I rushed outside to see, I saw 1 gang of stray dogs were bullying it. The dogs were bitting him. Being afraid, I stunned for awhile and went upstairs and cry for my parents to help to safe him. The screaming was so loud and scary. By the time my parents reach to him, it was too late.

I stood there, looking at him lying on the floor with a pile of blood. He wasn't really dead yet. He was suffering. Struggling to be alive. When my mom patted him on the head, I saw him moved slowly and he was actually trying to wag his tail. At that moment, I can't hold back my tears anymore. I was crying beside the road looking at him suffering. Why is he so stupid! That isn't the time to be happy and thankful! My heart is aching...

After a moments later, he was gone. My parents wrapped him up and drove to a place to burry him. Meanwhile, me and YP had to clean up the pool of blood. I was crying, holding the heavy pile of water, crossing the street, trying to splash the flesh and blood. I had no strength anymore to carry cause I was crying my heart out in the middle of the street. 

Why is God so darn unfair! 1st he was abandon, 2nd he was abused, and now he is bitten to death?! WHAT NOW?! WHAT NOW?! WHY?! Tell me why are you doing this! He had suffered so much! Enough! Stop it! Why does he have to die... If my mom would listen to me, he would not die! If I would give myself courage to stand up for him earlier, he would not die! If I had trusted my feelings, he would not die! If I don't listen my mom in the 1st place, it would not die! It's all my fault... It's all my fault...

He is such a stupid and silly puppy.. It seems he didn't care about anything about his tragic life that had happened to him.. No matter what, he always gave us the look showing he is really happy and thankful... 

By the time I start to cry, I have finally realize I am already attached to him...

I just can't stop crying anymore...