Misunderstanding

I hope I can explain all this misunderstanding to you. But, I just can't. 

被傷害最深的人就是我了。。。

嗚嗚嗚嗚。。。

我給人家討厭了。。。

Rilakkuma!

Here, I managed to find some cute picture of the Rilakkuma family. Aren't they cute? I wish I could own all the collection of them. They are so hard to find in Malaysia. Screw Malaysia! But in Japan, they got plenty of them. Last year I went there and found a lot of them and I am so stupid I didn't buy a lot back. I just bought some cause they are so expensive! REGRETTED! Ahhh... I hope I can find more of them in Malaysia. If anyone of you guys manage to spot them, tell me ASAP! Hehe. I seriously love them a lot. 

I got a friend who is studying in Japan currently. I wish he could help me buy some back! But, pai seh leh. He told me he will try to find them and send back to me. Don't know whether it's true a not. Can't be that happy yet. Hope it will be true. (:

I love you Rilakkuma a lot~♥

Untitled

I am now blogging, with my eyes really swollen. I can't longer control any of this tears falling. I just witnessed the unfair, suffering and death fall upon on a poor little creature. Part of pieces of my heart is already empty, broken, smashed and destroyed. I don't know why am I hurting and sad as I only knew him for 2 days...

Whenever my friends showed me of their dog's photos, I would only say something like 'Yeap, cute.' and would tell them I have no feel over dogs no matter whether they are cute or not. Well, that's because I always prefer cats. So, whenever I see dogs, no response. You can see how I actually treated my mom's dog, same, no response. 

Recently, 2 days ago, my mom told me she gave food and water to a white stray puppy wandering around just opposite of my house. She said she pity the puppy because it had been abused as many scars appeared around the body parts. And obviously, it was abandoned. At 1st, I wasn't really interested on the puppy and just gave her the 'Oh, poor thing.' response.

Later in the evening, I was doing my figure sketching, my mom called out to me and told me the puppy appeared. So I went to peeped it from my window. I went stalking it for 5 minutes, then went back doing my work. After few minutes later, I don't know why I automatically went to look at it. And I keep on repeating the same thing till I don't have the time to finish my work in time. 

My mom said she liked the puppy so much because he is really cute, seriously. The 1st time I approached it closely, I was so scared because of it's scar all over the body makes it look like it has skin disease. My mom went to gave it food and water again and this time the puppy approached my mom and he wants my mom to pat him. My mom gave him the pat on the head, he wagged his tail, he was so happy like a baby. OMG, he caught my heart!

Sometimes, I would look outside to check whether he would be ok. I sometime sees some kind people would leave a bowl of food and water for him also. And he showed the face that he was so happy. Soon, my mom was thinking of adopting it. But considering I already got 1 dog in the house, my mom can't decide. Then, out of a blue, I told my mom I think we better quickly adopt him and bring him to the house cause I got the feeling that today the crazy gang stray dogs will bully him. My mom answered me 'Don't worry, he is a survivor! He will be ok.' 

After dinner, me and my parents went to see the puppy again. He was so happy to see us. My parents patted him. And he went to the place where my mom left him food and water, eating and drinking as it is like he is trying to show us he is very happy and thankful. Then, when my parents decided to go back home, it followed into the house! I got so excited and went outside. But, my parents shoo it away back to place where he wander. I scold my mom and asked why, and she answered me 'I don't want it to get run down by a car.'. 

So, that was the last time I am going to see him wagging his tail. I was at my laptop chatting with my friends, then I heard bunch of dogs sound and him screaming. I rushed outside to see, I saw 1 gang of stray dogs were bullying it. The dogs were bitting him. Being afraid, I stunned for awhile and went upstairs and cry for my parents to help to safe him. The screaming was so loud and scary. By the time my parents reach to him, it was too late.

I stood there, looking at him lying on the floor with a pile of blood. He wasn't really dead yet. He was suffering. Struggling to be alive. When my mom patted him on the head, I saw him moved slowly and he was actually trying to wag his tail. At that moment, I can't hold back my tears anymore. I was crying beside the road looking at him suffering. Why is he so stupid! That isn't the time to be happy and thankful! My heart is aching...

After a moments later, he was gone. My parents wrapped him up and drove to a place to burry him. Meanwhile, me and YP had to clean up the pool of blood. I was crying, holding the heavy pile of water, crossing the street, trying to splash the flesh and blood. I had no strength anymore to carry cause I was crying my heart out in the middle of the street. 

Why is God so darn unfair! 1st he was abandon, 2nd he was abused, and now he is bitten to death?! WHAT NOW?! WHAT NOW?! WHY?! Tell me why are you doing this! He had suffered so much! Enough! Stop it! Why does he have to die... If my mom would listen to me, he would not die! If I would give myself courage to stand up for him earlier, he would not die! If I had trusted my feelings, he would not die! If I don't listen my mom in the 1st place, it would not die! It's all my fault... It's all my fault...

He is such a stupid and silly puppy.. It seems he didn't care about anything about his tragic life that had happened to him.. No matter what, he always gave us the look showing he is really happy and thankful... 

By the time I start to cry, I have finally realize I am already attached to him...

I just can't stop crying anymore...

Scattered

My emotions and feelings are all scattered everywhere. The bottle that I had tried to store everything away can't longer fit anymore. I had no idea what had I just filled so much in it and it finally cracked and everything it's out. I am losing it. I feel confuse, hurt, stress, angry, pathetic, scared, pain, jealous, tired, happy, sad, loving, hatred, attachment and everything at the same time. I can't handle all this and I am hurting myself and hurting other people I cared. I am such a terrible person and am tired to be this person already. 

I am trying so hard to collect back every piece of my emotions and feelings bit by bit. Nobody seems to understand what am I going through. They can't hear I am trying to reach for help. All they do is sticking a 'pathetic emo person' sign at my forehead or blacklisted me as 'pathetic emo person' in their listed and ignore me. But, I forgive them. It's my problem after all..

This time, I need a larger bottle. 

Fate

Fate brought us together, and then left me behind. 

We laugh and cry and then we say good bye. 

This is fate and I must accept it.

Paradise

OMG. These few days I am drowned with paradise. To prevent me for thinking so many emo things, my Rilakkuma thought out some of my favourite things to keep me occupied. Firstly, he took out my DS console to me and asked me to play. (But, actually he was playing but caught red handed curi curi took my DS and play.) So I did, and I am being so addicted to it now. (Then, he showed me his unhappy face cause he cannot play his Rilakkuma game anymore.) 

Then, he also helped me to download so many love love with so many leng chai anime for me to watch. I am watching it none stop now. Plus, he also took me to go buy so many comic books of love love with also a lot of leng chai. Kyaaaaaa~ So romantic! So leng chai! So leng lui! I am drowning! Haha. 

It's been a long time I didn't do all of this already. Because I was being always occupied with my workloads and emotions. I was glad that he was able to bring out all these little things that was able to make me happy again. 

Rilakkuma in action!

Just recent, my favourite cute Rilakkuma just gave me his puri puri paw attack on my head and is taking after my blog since I am blogging a lot of emo shits these days. He say he can't stand me being too emo all the time. He is going to shoo me away and he is in charge with my blog now. He say he wants to spread his happiness to everyone. He say he is going to use his cuteness to make people happy.

Kyyyyaaaaaaaaaaaaa~ OMG OMG! I can't stand it! Isn't he cute? I LOVE RILAKKUMA! He makes me happy! (: